The Die is Cast

Well, the election is, for all intents and purposes, over, and Barrack Obama will be the 44th president of the United States of America. This is going to be hard, so bear with me...

As I walked into my polling station this afternoon, my stomach was tied in knots. Even as I made my way to my booth with a ballot in hand, I still wasn't entirely sure how I would cast my vote. Still suffering from an ideological crisis of conscience, I just couldn't bring myself to commit one way or the other before I had that pen in my hand, and had to choose one way or the other.

I love John McCain. I admire him very much. I admire his service and the sacrifices he made for our country, both as a naval aviator, and a public servant. He is a man of conscience and honor, who was never afraid to work with Democrats across the isle, or commit to a course of action when he believed it to be right, regardless of whether it adhered to the party line. I appreciate that kind of courage and candor. I wanted very much to vote for McCain, but I could not bear the thought of my vote being misconstrued as support for the Republican party.

I did my part to give the GOP eight years in the White House, and the return on my investment was a poor one indeed. What we have today is a country deeply divided at home, and openly reviled abroad in nations that are, on paper, our allies. I am not sorry for giving Bush the opportunity to lead, nor the opportunity to correct his administration's mistakes. But today, my begrudging patience has worn thin.

This time around, for the first time in my life, I've voted for a Democratic presidential nominee. Make no mistake, I generally despise the Democratic party and the people who lead it. But Obama stands above the crowd of slime balls and ridiculous asshattery as a charismatic, honorable man who is intelligent, thoughtful, and genuine in his intent; and I find his running mate equally conscionable. I do find Obama to be an inspiring figure, and I don't recall ever once wincing in embarrassment at anything he's ever said in public. (yeah, that last bit sets the bar pretty low... But the last eight years have really lowered my expectations)

I just finished watching McCain's concession speech a little while ago. It was very gracious, and very classy. (I wish his campaign, his followers, and the Republican party in general had been equally so over the past few weeks. Personally, I found his best moments he spent correcting idiots that were attending his rallies)

I was already having a hard time keeping it together, but when he spoke the words "the failure is mine, not yours," I choked up, and my heart literally hurt. I wanted to say, "No, John, it really wasn't. It *was* ours. We deserved to lose this time, and that isn't your fault."

Today, I voted against some of my most fundamental core values, the values of my parents, my grandparents, and those that have been shaped by my life experiences since childhood, to uphold others that I felt needed saving. And to do it, I had to vote against a man that I admire and respect very much. It felt like a betrayal, and it tears me up inside.

I honestly feel that as a Republican administration, there is little McCain could really do to mend our relations with the international community, restore our image abroad, or repair the bitter divisions present here in our own country. There's just too much baggage that comes with that (R) beside his name right now. Obama, on the other hand, will have the opportunity to change the nature of the game from the ground up, and I've cast a ballot of faith in his name hoping he'll do just that.

So in the end, it comes down to this: I wanted John McCain, the man, not the Republican, to be my president. But at this point in our history, my gut told me that, right now, my country needs Obama, and I voted accordingly.